Studio Shot

that nite b4 i went for..my studio shot...i cried...



WHY WHY WHY!!! its been months..why am i crying...why i miss her so much...WHY!!!...she dun even like you now...why are you still like tat WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really MIs HEr lOTS!!!!!!!...arg...but what can i do...helpless...dAer!!!...mis u lotz...haix...

WeNt to Sch..in tHE mornINg..8am lEsson..again..i Din Slp WeLl..i Din Slp Well For tHE pass Months...Simply MIss hEr lOtz...

Class End Around 3.30..rush home..To chAnge and drEss up...On mY Way hOme saw zi xuan..yappx..

i Took Cab to There..5pm JUst NIce..

tHEy hElp mE.."make up" yUAckz! omg...ER xin..StiLl need to put lIp gross...eEee..Wanna VomIt i HAte thIS kinda StuFf...

tHEn ...i moVe to The studio..hMm..TAt camera mAn..Ask me to FRee pOse..haha So i Any HOw pose...i tried my very bEst to smile...i have to do it...

40+ pICs taken..i only chosse a few...tHEn the rest is Given To my Company...yappx...tats all went home by mRt...wondering if can catch a glimsp Of her...but no...haix...

godbless
mIssIng you BADly..
lUv ya..~muackz

taekunDo tRAining...

YSt hAd mY 1st trAiing...haha...lASt time im from KArate & aikido...Now jUmp To tHis...hMm..im gooNna trAin hArd!!!...

learn Some unArm Combat.....hAha...sOMe Are New..to me but i StIl tInk mine is MORe effEctIVe..

nvm...haha...im hErE to lEArn hOW to fight...

(keep on fightin...edwin...keep on fightin......)

hmmm...Din really LEarn much...coz HE wasted alot of time talkin...and intro about it...still got watch video some more...haha

Whole thing end at 9pm...

tODay!..after sch...raining!!...haha have to wait in sch..then as i Walk rAin AgAin...

When to cut mOi StuPit HAIr...

Wen hOme bath...aND Dyed my hAiR...

1st TIME I DYE my hair mOiSelf...

HAiz today after Sch i tOld my class mAtes about Wat has happen...coz they say i very Quiet in Class...

then i told them about it...yappx...haiz..i still luv her lots...

tink i wiLl BEcum Monk..le..haiz...

miss you
luv you...sorry...

Nyp D@nce Audition 2006

Sian...tODay 8am started....Zzz...wanna Slp...coz yst i chouldnt slp...i cried...4am plus the slp...haix...end up vEry tIRed in tHE moRning!!!

lEeSon..until 4pm TODay...Went home...SlACk...waited for alvin to release at 5pm..

went to Nyp ArouND tat tIme...Zzz..OMg IM gOing tO tHE Dance Aduition...and i dun even know how to dance...ive nVer lEarn b4...

Lolx We Waited until 6pm...Lolx MAny Ppl!!!! 70+ PpL tUrn up...omg...tAts ALOt!!!

waaa..so many proz...and i dun even know how to dance...

hmm tHEy say Nvm le...coz they are going to teach us a new dance. given 1 and a half hOUr to lEarn...

lOlx it Was fun...My VERy 1st Hip HOp...DAncE LEsOn!!! MAn i lUv it...

lOlx...tot im A nOOb bUt i Sure Enjoyed mYSeLf alOtz...

she INspire me to LEarn to dAnce...yAppx...

Whole tRainning last until 8pm...

AuDitiOn TImE!!...man i NOt Sure!!! omg...arg 4get Alot Of moVEs hOw to go for audition!!!

haha but tink ...nvm ba...

many of the gRoup Went Up...in 5s...

GIrls & BOys...

OMg!!! 70 plUS ppl WAtChin you DancE!!!...tat was ShiOk!

lOl mY tURn me and Alvin same gRoup...lOl i was the 1st...

hmm...tink i 4gotten all tHe mOves bUt...i Sure enjoYed mySelf lOts..haha My 1st DANCe AuDitIon Cum DAnce LEssOn...!!!

lOlx...guess i din get in ba...haha Nvm...tREAt it AS a lEarnIn process...nver GIve up!!! i Luv DAncing...i Wan To lEarn!!!

im Waiting For mY DAnce/ACt & Singing cOURse @TheNExtStage...to start...haha...tOt By Pro...lOlx and i will get a CerT after tHIs cOz...

Went back hOme After tat...

StArted DriNkin bEEr...

im DrunK And fEelin Down...and i just wanna be alone...
i miss her lots...

really miz her lOtz...

she inspire ME tO DAnce...i lUv it!!!...

hIAz...now im Really Drunk...DrAnk quIte alOt....

i Dunno Why tHE FeElin iS Slowly RetuRning...wHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!

missin you badly...
muackz...sorry...

hAIx

hAix...toDay..i ..jUst WanNa tEll hEr hoW to feel...bUt i Cant...so...i decided...tO SEnt HEr tHE lEtter mySelf...

iTs At nite...knowINg shes not at hOme...i decided to go HEr hOUse to give the letter...

tOok Mrt there...reach Woodlands...

AS i walk...i dun know why...i cried my way there...haix...Dun ASk me Why...

im afaid to see her...BUt Im vERy Sure Shes NOt At hOMe...Coz...aYa...dunno...maybe ive known her long euff....And im Sure HEr PArenTs are At Home...yAppx...

rEAch there...yAppx indeed Shes not At hOme...

pRessed The dOor bEll...hEr mUm oPen...and i ASk hEr to PAss to HEr...and i
leave...i din tell any one that im cumin...or wat...

WeNt sTRaight hOme after tat...lolx...Haiz i HATE ADULT FARE!!! expensive...

haix...as i was WatChin televisIon...HEr fRen mSg me..."Erm Edwin call me hp" GUess i KNow why...

tHE 1st tHing her fren said Was Erm Try Not TO mAke her Angry k?...

lOlx...she Was DAme AngRy fOr Wat iVe dOne...Ended uP sColded by HEr AgAin @#$%^&*(*&^#&^%$-_-"...hAix...exPEcted...but just wan to talk to her....haix...

jUSt now...while i Was TRyin 2 Slp...dunno Why...i started cryin...my heart hurts...its really gettin numb...


help...wat ever i do now...i cant feel anything...

you took my heart and threw it into hell...

i JUst Really miz her lotz...Its HAs bEeN mOnths Since we BRoke...bUt THE pAin is Still AS fRESh...why why why!!!!!!!!!.....

i chouldnt slp...now its middle of the nite 3am+..liaox...tmr still got sch at 8am...haix...

dame hurting...

hAIz toDay 2nd dAy oF my POly lIFe...hMmm...life gr8 in polY...guess so...but...im not happy...haix..think u all should know why..

haix...ever since she asked me to help her burn CDs ive been waiting 4 tat day to just see her for a few moments...but i guess i cant chouldnt talk much to her...cox...she dun wish to talk to me...all she wan is the cd..tats all...

so i tot of writing a letter to her...but...



i really...use my heart and wrote a 3 pages long...letter...haix....

and bURn the songs tat i thing she would like...use quite some time..updatin my songs...and think wat to give her...the songs...

today...after her chOir...i waited her in yck INteRChange...u know what...i handled her the CD plus the letter...

she just tOok tHE CD..and puSh Away THE lEtter...it fell to the ground...

as it fell...i could feel my hEArt SinkIN EvEn dEeper...INto HELL...

burning in pain in hELL...haiz...

i Was DAme hURt...i really USe my hEArt to write what im gonna tell her...

but she dun even seems to care...haix...

arg...i hate myself...why...whY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jus cant stop myself from luvin you...

hAix...sorry...really miss u lotz luv you...even tot u tREAt me like shit...

god bless....

HAix

Arg...i HATE you DEvil....but..what can i DO?!

haix all i can do is to keep myself real bz...

tODAy she called...i tot i was alright...bUt THEn tHE momEnt i hEar hEr voice my hEArt mElts...

she have been vEry mEan to me...iT HURt i really huRts...but...i deserve it...

haix gUess she really did lEarn Alot from me...

BUt i Wan thE old yOU BAck i Wan tHE gOod pAm bAck...

cheerful smiling always...not a bad templed..always scolding ppl...WHERE IS TAT FORGOTTEN SMILE?...

Really miss HEr lots...lOts of time i Wanted to talk to HEr bUt shEs Simply Too BUsy With Her New Found FrEnz...

arent You Tired?...as in i heARd tat youve been playin pOol all the way? Do u EVEN liKE to pLAy Pool?! as in Are yOU REally happy With THEm?...i dun know the answers only u...can answer...

coz now, im simply a no body to u...But jUSt a peRson u HAte.

Haix..its been 1month PLus since we splite...w/o You my lIFe Suckz...until now i tot im ok...but no...today when u hAng...after you call...i cried..coz i simply miss yOU lOts...The FeEling IS kIllin me...all i wan now is to hug yOu fORever and Never LEt Go...

yOU mAy tHink Its ONly after this then i treasure u...but no ...all the while ive been treasuring you...but u din relised...

Ive BEen WorkIn VEry HARd...cOz ive Been Low in cash And haix i dun wan you to suffer...do u know its very tiring...workin...HAix...i wanted you To live well...i wan to support you..buT..HAix ending up...

u know What The present tat i said After i Work im gonna buy You a tHing...hAIx...TAts What im Workin For...

I TOld myseLf i MUST WOrk VEry HArd!!...why ...Becoz of you...Want yOU To HAve a gOod lIfe...not WoRrying About monEy...

And yOu knOw what im one Of the BEST PROMOTER hitting the sale charts...within 2weeks i helped my company earning $6000+- tats HoW much..and i dun even get to earn the comission...

dEar...Really hOpe u undErstand my "Ku Xin"...Din MEant to Qurrel With you...im just TIRed...

haix Really lOve yOu...muackz...

02 11 4ever * * *(NvEr Be REpLAced)

Devils Plot...tats YOU! your the devil!!!

omg...cum to tHink of It...DAme me...IM So stupit...tat ive actually fallen into The DevIls pLOt...

Are You ALl OUt tO TAke AwAy ALL my ThinGz?!

tat PErson ONCe said..." i Dun care i will take her away" tot i was A JOke...but THEn AgAin...Now When i tHink BAck...its not!!!!


maybe im thinkin tOo mUCh...but...kINda MAke me think tAT gOd brought me and mY dEAr dAEr toGether...ppL Are Jealous!!...dame...

tHerE is lOts of thINgs...tAt PErson kEep on TEllin me to bReak Of With HEr!!! arg...say what its for my own gOod...what the hell Your THInkin!!!

cum to thINk oF it YOU are the relationship BReaker...You CAuse me To "belive" in you...and try to HUrt her...

Now She'S goNe hAPpy?!

wHat mORe u Wan FRom ME!!!

wHy Are You TRYin to GEt ClOSe to ME! what THE HELL YOU WAN FROM ME?!...ARG!!!!!!!!!!!

iVe already lOst tHE MOSt impoRtanT pErson in mY lIFe..and what more ur tRying tO GEt From me...

YOU SAID YOUR TRYING TO HELP ME...yar...your RIGHT

HELPING ME TO GET DOWN TO HELL

now im down ARE YOU HAPPY?!?

sarand haeyo

I'm Waiting For You...

On This Silent NIght...

To Find That Lost Smile...

Abit Of Time Has Passed By...

Since Then...

The Memories Are Slowly Returning...

To The Place Where The Star Glisten... ( * * *)

I'm Always Hoping That You are ALWAYS SMILING...

Even Thought Your Far Away...

Hope We Can Meet Up Some Day...

sarand haeyo
02 11

nYp

yAppx Wahaha FInnally Got INto NYp...haha ENGINEERING INFORMATICS


Sian Not the CoURse i WANt!!!....i wan multimEDia!!!!!! Arg DAme me..

haix At lease i got in...yAppx wahaha

wahaha At Least ive tIck ONe more GOal' Ya! got into nYp...

nPcc

wahaaha tODAy went Down to Npcc..hAha When iS the LASt time i went down? ChiNEse nEW yEar ba...haha...

hAix...fOr her i have give up Npcc now...GUess i HAve to gO bAck to mY oLd path again..nPCC RoCkz!

wahaha TODay Went BAck...kINda MISs u All!!!! haha tot i would be alien again buTt!...nOPez..

tHinGz are still the same...haha buTt! the standards ar...CMI...lOlx GUEss w/o me tHEy cmi...

THe NEw CIs...omg...HOW HE teach tHE tAlk until so Blar bLar Always lAughing!...hAix...think if i dun go DOWn tHE standards Will tURn to Shit...

haha SAw mAny OF my FrEnz...MIss u guys all...many CAme to tAlk to Me...tHIEr Smile on tHEir face BRighten uP my DAy...yAppx...

haha GUess the sec1&2 where SHOCK to see me...haha Coz ALWays scolding THEm...

haha But i Sure THey MIss me...

HAix...tMR 1st & 2nd Class Drill..im the examiner...HOW to PAss tHEm?...tHEy kINda CMI...hMmm the sec4 can ba...buTt tHE sec3 OMG! ....how to tAke oVEr With THat kINda skiLls.... -_-"

hAIx many CAme ASkin me How am i After So MAny thINgs HAd hAppen...

gUess im runnin Away Now...Butt At LEAse nPCc...CAn mAke me BUsy...

hAix...i Really mIss HEr lOts...butt i CAnt TEll Her...I PromISe mYSelf...im noT GOnna bE a Relationship BReaker AgAin!!!...but I mISS YOU LOTS!!!!

arg...i hate to cry..butt...some times i just CAnt STAnd it...

Really HOpe we CAn MEet up One day...

02 11 miss u lot`s luv you
(NVer To bE REPLAced)

mAlaysia

dEar...im in HEll...and i miss u lots...HAix...



haha AftEr EASt COzz When bAck HOME to tAke mY pAss PORt...when StRAigt to Malaysia!!!

haha MEeting Zs & christina...YAppx...thEy both got stead.....liaox...i Was Wondering if chirstina bf Found out About this will he be angry? i will ...if im tat guy kNOwing my Gf when OUt WIth TWo Guys...IS mY tHinKing Wrong? PLs TELL ME!!!...

hAha WeEnt To City SQuARe...1st BOUght MNAy MNAy Stuff i Kinda Bought AoVEr 200RM worth of ClothINgz...haha

WhEn MNAy PLaces to buy stuffz..

LAter When JUSCO dunnno what place zs bring le...took cab there

When to eat Fish And ChIps..waaa very Full Zs And CHIstina ate LObSter!!!haha

THEY LIke StEad le...quite ClOSed Shhhh...HAix im SAd fOR tHEm...What IF their SteAd KNew About it?....

HAix i ASk ChRistina..." IF now yOU GOt STEAD and while walking hOme Alone a STRANGER came asking for your number WILL you give?"

Chirstina " YAr Why Not?...haha Fren Fren only ma"

U CAll tHIs FRen FREn ONly? He's InTRested In You...And Will COntinue To Woo yOU...tAlking on tHE fone Every DAy to A pErson THAt lIkes You OK WHILE YOU GOT BF LIAOX izziT Ok?! and NOt TellIng IT to YOur BF...

Omg...i DUnno What tHE gIRls will Do...iTS like a STANDBY...If her CuRrEnt STEAD is BAD to HEr she will bREAk him immediately And Go With OUt...with tHE NEW gUy...and maybe..."

In THE End She Will Say "I SAD MA!!!!..CANT I JUST CALL SOME ONE TO TALK TO?! OR GO OUT? COZ I SAD!!!!"



TATS WHAT IM afraid!!!!

ARG!!! FREAking HELl!!!SOME ONE PLS TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EASt cozz...

tOOk the cAb And mEet up With zs...i Was tALking to HEr tHEn...YAppx...hAIx..

i Really Wann tO talk to HEr le...bUT sOMe tIMes eVEn thE slIghtless Thing ChOuld lrritate hER....HAix End UP BEing Scolded By hEr......hAIx...

i REAch thEre Le...zs Went Up to The Pool PLAce...i went to the beach alone...

hAIx...she wAs TEllINg ME hOW hAPpy SHe WAs now... ect...HAix..i crIEd...

AftEr shE hEng...zs CAlled...and came lOOking fOR me...

HAix tHink he is used to seeing me crY...AFter me And her bROke up...im a tOTALLY driffren person...

But i Dun BLAme her...after all ITS me who HURt hEr 1st...

Errr...she hurt me 1st actually...She KINda LEt ppl woo her and she got bf...haix...bUt DuRing... tHe Qurrel... i HURt her even more..

THats why...my mOuth JUSt ShoOt OUt HURting WOrds...

LiVin in HELL

I CANt STAND It Help!!!....arg...im in hell...i really mISs my DEAr!!!!...but i CAnt Tell Ani one...THEy Will Find me Irritating...Help...

Every NItez i Dream About u...

i Wanna HOld yOu And NVEr lEt Go...

...dAEr...i Really MIss u LOtz...

HAix...Its LAte NOw...10.30pm...BUt I GUEss i Dun wanna Stay At Home...

im gOing to East cozz BEach lAter...

iT HAS bEen a While SInce...im alone...And THE PAin is Still AS new as b4...

Why Why Why!~!!!...I Suffering in HEll Every DAy...NOw ALl i CAn do Is to Run AWay...And KEep mYSelf Bz...

Every NITe ArouNd 4am...i Will STArt to Enter HELl...My BOdy iS ShakIng...ScaRed...i Dunnno Why...ARG!!!...

DEAr!!! YOUr the one who said You Wun LEt me Suffer AniMORe...The 1st Time I Was DRop inTO DArKness Your The ONe Who PUll me OUt...

And NOw...im in HEll...

wad u see,may not be wad it is.
u may visual recovery in the mist,it may be far from truth,try knowin,at ur own risks..

I've lost my faith in True "Love","Care" or "Miss"its all bullshits on my list..my body n mind's just an empty sHELL ,given up on truths i could NEVER tell..

they said i'm so normal i'd gotten well,but who noes how I feel? to me, everyday's in HELL....

The story...

Did the Gods arrage this?

The day we met: 24 july 2005<-- 2 4+7= 2 11
The day we are one : 02 11
The day we broke : 03 11
The day we met to my brithday 100th day after we met
The day our story ends : 200th day after we met

About What hAppen..i GUess i deserve iT...Cum tO tiNk Of it...i Really Did HUrt hEr BADly...

what i said to her :DEar..stop wasting my time and yOUrs...

reason:..if She Really LOve me...like what she had always said...why ...why she still allow them to woo her...i was tHinkin...if she's intrested in that guy...just tell me...why lie to me..i was really really hurt each time u lied to me...haix

what i said : Dun make your proBElm my PRobLEm!

reason:..We Are QuRrelling...And SuDdenly my dEAr toLD me "eh you better becareful my ex wanna beat you up"...i Was DAme AnGRy...Cox why her ex must cum in and beat me uP?...sORry...hAIx tink tat time i was angry and anyow Shoot WORds..w/o thInking...

what i did: thInk thIs iS the WoRst i CAnt 4give mYSlef...She Hugged Me i kINda puSh Away...

What happen: We Are QuRreling...THen mY DEar wanna end the qurrel liaox...so She Huuged mE outside junction 8 mAc...i push away...SOrry...sorry sorry...i was'en in the mood to hug...yI jun Saw...and ask what happen...

There was ONce..i tOLd mY DEar..."dEAr pls i BEg You To LEt ME gO...i Dun Wan to SUFFer AGAin...i DUn WAn to BE in tHE DArkneSs AgAin..."

coz Of THE thINgz HAppening...and what She did...tatz Really Hurting...BUT i really Love her lotz...

i Rmb i WAs At yOUr hOUse...and u bAng the wall...and cried...Even yOUr dad Shouted "eh what happen"...hAix...

dEAr yOU Sld KNow tHat im Really AfAid to BE dRopped Down AgAin...tATs Why...i SAid TAt...even tot I reAlly Hurtz...BUt now...im in HELL...

dEAr Do yOu KNow not Onli yOUr tHe oNe Who Is in HUrt LASt tIme Even me...but once i see your SMILE...everything is forgotten...

what i did: tHIs is also One oF thE woRst i did...im BAD soRry..

What HAppen: I Rmb tElling My DEar...HAix dEAr if i Work We SuRe Qurrel One lEhx...TRue inDeed..We QuRrel...it was like every day?...
my dEAr cAMe To Fetch ME...after work..Every DAy...VEry tOUChed!!! but...my actions din says it...
its like Every tIme We QuRrel...hAix my fault...i Was tIRed...And tHE PRobLEm keeps cuming...and mAKes me moRe...Errr du lAn?...

tHere Was ONce i wanna End tHE QuRrel lAIox...haha bOught HEr a baby Pooh bEAr and she ASk "DEar...Why SuDdenly trEAt me So GOod?"

rEason SimpLe..i really lOve you and dun Wish to qurrel lIaox...but you dun understand...

things BEcum BEtter...Until i Found OUt tHAt...she gave hEr hp numBer to A guy Whom She Know from stReet...*dEar...do u know how hurtin it is...*

What HAppen?: thINgz Of Coz BEcum Worst...We QuRrel MORe oFten....And until 9march... tHE Day i Finish work she said" dEAr...i tHink we sHould LEt eAch oTher take a bREak"...

i CrIEd...While Doin Work...everyOne at TAkashimaya saw what happen...haix...

i Really tired to contact HEr...but she refused to answer my call...ect...

11march we broke up...Exec 200th after we met we broke off...

HAix But When i tHink Of tHE StORy wiTh HEr...mOStly iTs all SWEet MEmORies...rmb there was a tIme when i Scolded her She CRIED!! omg...its like a baby crying..."crying*my deAr ScoLd me...Boo Hoo hoo" OMg!! tat is sooO Cute!...i hUgged HEr And SAid sorry...

many mANy thiNgs:...Rmb i Draw at EASt Cooz BEach tHE Ship? "TAKE YOUR TROUBLES AWAY "...mY BIRthday....And YOURs? whaha...

OUr 100th we Met? Rmb...i Presented yOu wiTh tHe Gift At Esplanade?...haha jUSt lIke in tHE drama...hOpe yOu lIke it...

ChiNese nEw yEAr When i VIsted Your GRandma ect...its Like Whole FAmily?...and tHE dInner At The PEAch gArden With Your FAmily...i Was dAme hAppy...really...

valentine's DAy! Omg...i Will NEver 4get tat...ive Really pUt All the IDeas tat i can tHink of...hOpe you've enjOyed it...im hAppy...

im Sure tHe time we HAd is Short...But JUst lIke the JApan SAKURA flower...its life is short but Its Really BEautiful ya?

But jUst hOpe tAt Ive really make yOu happy...And THE BEst And SWeeties MemORies you've eVer had...

MemOries conSume...in My hEArts and lIves 4ever....

HELL

In this so called world,u can't see truth,even if there's evidence to prove.

i wished my life's wad i choose.

but rite now,i'm a frugitive on the loose,a prisoner,escaped from a lifetime sentence guilty of forbidden love,constant unrepentence...

there's no shelter i can turn to,so cold out here, walkin without shoes..

why escaped?when food n shelter's in there?

but in there i suffered n feel so bare.

did i reali gain freedom?or still within her torturing kingdom..?

i'm lost! Love is smting beyond my wisdom.

wad u see,may not be wad it is.u may visual recovery in the mist,it may be far from truth,try knowin,at ur own risks..

I've lost my faith in True "Love","Care" or "Miss"its all bullshits on my list..
my body n mind's just an empty sh*ll ,given up on truths i could NEVER tell..they said i'm so normal i'd gotten well,but who noes how I feel? to me, everyday's in h*ll ..For now...all i wish is to find what i have lost...